Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
