Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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