He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
