All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
