it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
