Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
