I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize