No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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