bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
