Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize