her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
