Four minutes until I can fart!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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