as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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