she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
