I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
