he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
