she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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