In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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