You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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