shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sarcasm needs its own font
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize