Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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