You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
