I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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