nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
