I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
