You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
