There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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