I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
