Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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