how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
