Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
