for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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