im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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