had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
