wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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