R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize