I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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