you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
