he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pants are for mortals
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize