I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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