i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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