A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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