on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
