We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
