ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
