Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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