i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
