I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
