I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize