Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
