I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
