I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
