That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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