I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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