Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
