i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're too hungover to prance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
