i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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