i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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