We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
A bitchslap is in order.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize