you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
