i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize