She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
