would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
