i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
