i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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